Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Bad Dream

Last night, I had a dream about my father. We were in the car, waiting to go home. He started yelling at me like he used to do, screaming, demanding I obey and agree with him. However, this time, I looked at him and yelled at him "no." His face tensed up, forboding an explostion. "Do you want me to hit you?..." Normally, I'd be afraid, in fact I still was, but I am tired of his ridiculousness. "Go ahead, I don't care!" I replied. I tensed up in my neck and shoulders like I always used to. He hit me and started screaming again, with his hands raised. "Go ahead!" I yelled again. "I don't care, you're not my father. I don't care what you do. You stopped loving me when you refused to do anything to see me. Go ahead... I dare you!" I yelled looking at him in the face...

I was supposed to go home with him, but I got out of the car. My sister didn't want to go with him, because he hit us again. Mom like usual was apathetic. Me? I was torn, I want to feel loved; however, I do not trust him anymore.