Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Bad Dream

Last night, I had a dream about my father. We were in the car, waiting to go home. He started yelling at me like he used to do, screaming, demanding I obey and agree with him. However, this time, I looked at him and yelled at him "no." His face tensed up, forboding an explostion. "Do you want me to hit you?..." Normally, I'd be afraid, in fact I still was, but I am tired of his ridiculousness. "Go ahead, I don't care!" I replied. I tensed up in my neck and shoulders like I always used to. He hit me and started screaming again, with his hands raised. "Go ahead!" I yelled again. "I don't care, you're not my father. I don't care what you do. You stopped loving me when you refused to do anything to see me. Go ahead... I dare you!" I yelled looking at him in the face...

I was supposed to go home with him, but I got out of the car. My sister didn't want to go with him, because he hit us again. Mom like usual was apathetic. Me? I was torn, I want to feel loved; however, I do not trust him anymore.

Friday, July 3, 2009

I have finally been given the opportunity to speak, to express myself, to present myself, but faced with this different opportunity I cannot say anything.

Some might blame writers block, being uninspired; however, I beg to differ. What if I am speechless because I am inspired by almost everything I come into contact with? I have no point of reference, no starting line on which to place my feet. Pictures, emotions, and thoughts are swirling around my head right now. I feel almost as if I am suspended in mid-air, rocking gently back and forth.

Is this a result of the teenage years, my uncertain transfer into college life, or my brain's innate desire to dream and fantasize?

Lately, I have this suppressed urge to run far away from everyone and to isolate myself, allowing nature to be my only companion. I feel as if I have this little fire bubbling deep in the center of my chest. I want to enjoy the explosiveness of power; I want to channel all of my nervous energies and utilize them to move the wind; I want to be satisfied...

However, I never seem to be satisfied with anything, and it scares me.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Welcome readers, browsers, and friends.

This blog will record my transition from a small town girl to a big city college student, my steps as I leave the teenage years and enter into adulthood, my reflections as I reminisce on past experiences, and my dreams and hopes for my ever changing future.

Knowing that there is so much life to live, the simple task of capturing snapshots of my own seems like the least I can do to help obtain my goal of understanding humanity better.

Thank you for your patience, your concern, and your attention.